Lauren Calder Psychology
HCPC: PYL043505 | EMDR Trained
HPCSA: PS0091685
"Couples mostly arrive for therapy certain that the other person is to blame for whatever is not working in the relationship. They are often stuck in patterns of blame, distance or repeated conflict. As therapy progresses, this is usually re-understood to represent a dynamic being triggered by both parties. Over time, these dynamics are understood more deeply, allowing partners to move from opposition toward collaboration."
​WHAT DOES COUPLES THERAPY
ACTUALLY INVOLVE?
Couples therapy gives both partners a structured, neutral space to slow down and understand what is actually happening between them. An opportunity to look explore beyond just what is being said, and into the patterns underneath.
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In sessions with Lauren, couples work together to identify the recurring cycles that leave them feeling stuck, misunderstood, or disconnected.
Rather than focusing on who is right or who is wrong, the work focuses on understanding each person's underlying needs and fears, and how these interact to create the dynamics causing pain.
Sessions are conducted online via secure video, making them accessible without the need to travel. The usual structure is:
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Session 1:
Double session as a couple
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Session 2:
Individual session each
Session 3:
Ongoing weekly or bi-weekly sessions as a couple, though a flexible structure is available.
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Recurring conflict and arguments that never fully resolve
Emotional distance or disconnection
Communication difficulties
Rebuilding trust after betrayal or infidelity
Intimacy and connection
Power struggles and feeling unheard
Individual growth within partnership
Re-organisation of family dynamics (blended families, new children, separation)
Inner child and relational patterns
The first session is an opportunity to talk about what has brought you to therapy and what you are hoping to change.
Lauren will ask questions to understand your relationship history and the patterns you have noticed. There is no pressure to have everything figured out. Many couples arrive simply knowing that something needs to change but not yet understanding why.
All sessions are confidential.
Lauren works with both partners together, and occasionally with individuals within a couples process where that serves the work.
​WHAT THERAPEUTIC APPROACHES DOES LAUREN USE WITH COUPLES?
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Transactional Analysis: Understanding the communication patterns, ego states and relational roles that each partner brings, and how these interact to create conflict or distance.
Attachment-focused work: Identifying the negative cycles couples get stuck in, rooted in each person's attachment needs and fears, to rebuild a more secure emotional connection.
Gottman Method: A practical, research-based approach that builds friendship, manages conflict more constructively and creates shared meaning; Offers concrete tools for communication and understanding.
Systemic family therapy: Particularly useful when children, extended family or blended family dynamics are part of the picture, exploring roles, patterns and how the wider system affects the couple.
Psychodynamic work: Exploring how each partner's personal history and earlier experiences influence how they show up in the relationship; Often the missing piece in understanding recurring conflict.
Personality dynamics: Understanding each person's personality style and how these work both for and against the couple, building awareness that reduces blame and increases compassion.
Ready to take the first step toward couples therapy?